re: summer cut

Vacuum cleaners, garden shears and electric hair clippers

Why would all three of these be mentioned in the same breath when discussing the hair cut of a two-year-old little boy? Because they are all the same thing.

Follow along please.

Susan threw-down the notion that liam was crying in the photo do to the new haircut that he’s sporting. Such a refreshing and economical do on that guy if I do. First off, let’s dismiss the idea that liam is upset with the appearance. No need to spend too much time on this but let’s just remember that he rocked a mullet for the better part of 18 months to begin his life.

Perhaps the tears came from this extremely awkward sensation across the scalp or that buzzing, roided out bee noise in his ear. I have to admit, that might be a little weird to experience for the first time. Problem is, this is not the first haircut. Back in January, liam received his first snip-snip-clip at the hands of yours truly. Yes awkward, yes noisy, but most of the emotional and verbal responses were a smile, continued laughter, and the word “tickle”. I guess it could have been “pickle”…not always sure. I mean, he can say “milk” and he can say “shake”, but for some reason we are always enjoying a nice frosty “hupshake”.

So here is the theory –

1. Vacuum

The boy has a thing for vacuums. It is by far the strangest love/hate relationship I have ever seen between human and household appliance. Liam has now, for months, been obsessed with the vacuum. And that’s any vacuum…anywhere. We have even made trips down the vacuum isle of walmart and target as rewards for being such an awesome kid (jealous?). He freaks out when he SEES them, always reluctantly walking up to touch it but still craving it. Like that giant bruise you get on your shin from a 2-year-old wielding a baseball bat. If left well enough alone, you’d never even know it was there, but you just keep pushing on it to see how much it still hurts or how much pain you can take. Now when he HEARS it…whole other ballgame. We have had a couple of nights in which every ten minutes or so, we have heard the repeated calls of “vacuum, vacuum, vacuum, vacuum…”. Very freaky, but it seems to fit with the family. If it’s on, he can do nothing else but track it, afraid of what it might do to him if he loses sight of it. Any object/appliance that makes a loud humming noise (hair dryer, leaf blower, hair clippers…) must be a vacuum in the mind of the obsessed.

2. Garden shears

Liam and these have become recently introduced… a budding friendship that has shown great promise during the brief but frequent encounters in the garage loading into the car. He has really been into to the tools that hang on the wall in the garage. These are referred to as “daddy’s tools” or sometimes “daddy’s toys” and consist of a leaf-blower, weed-eater, several shovels and the recently relocated garden shears or as we have named them “the clippers”. Ah…see where I’m going here? “dangerous” is another tag associated with them. Usually, along these lines, “those are the clippers. They are DANGEROUS. They can lop your fingers off and then how will you ever be a professional baseball player?” Ok, so we don’t say the last part, but I like playing the part of the overly aggressive sports dad pushing his son all the way to the major leagues. The only other things that I can think of that have been given the “danger” label by mommy (aka – fun police) is fire and motorcycles. Surprise, surprise! Two more of Liam’s favorite things.

So this all leads to…

3. Electric hair clippers

We placed liam up in the make-shift barber chair (his high chair). With his backed turned to me, I flipped the clippers on and he began whipping his head around trying to see and said “vacuum?” as he heard the noise. After saying it a few times, I told him that these are clippers to which I can only imagine the confusion that set in. Get a mental picture of this device that must have been running through his head as I worked that hair over. The uncontrollable shaking and tears can only be expected. Perhaps I need to be a little more careful with my choice of words from here on out.

go join the youth and beauty brigade

for those that don't know, i rarely capitalize anything. sorry if that offends.

i never thought i would be doing this, nor do i really appreciate the concept or thought that anything, anyone (this includes myself) has to say on these or any other social network has a bit of relevance for the general masses. but since i feel that the majority of these are ego-driven (yes, i'm still including my own here), i will get right to the original point of all this.

comments! in the universe of blogs or the "blogosphere" (vomiting a little right now) the ability to post comments is essential. whether thoroughly congratulating a new father on the birth of his future major leaguer, or a suggestion on how to improve the double-bacon chocolate nine cheese cardio-burger by inserting a cherry pop-tart between the patties and replacing the traditional sesame seed bun with double deep-fried, carmel and powder sugar covered french toast, they are all important.

*quick side note before continuing on. i have just been informed by "your texas rangers" (channeling my inner chuck morgan here) that the 2010 toronto blue jays are, in fact, the greatest baseball team in history of the game.*

well, they aren't all important.

my wife, susan, has been posting updates for the past year or so now. this has certainly changed my views to a degree. i now appreciate the fact that moments of our life are quickly and easily documented so as to allow friends and family all over the world to get that small glimpse. especially now that liam has entered the picture, or should i say, firmly planted himself front row center of the picture. now, let's remember that no post could possibly replace a good phone conversation or actual face-to-face interaction...what the common folk call "a good visit". but it is a nice quick catch-up point for someone like me that is not fond of the phone. it also allows for the quick e-mail like interactions known as the comment-"boy, that liam sure is getting big, lol!" and -"susan, were you trying to look like the burger king...jk, bff!" or even -"what a spoiled brat" and "you're a terrible mother".

funny thing, the latter two are real comments. now, i've been strongly encouraged not to respond and my comments to these have all been denied by my lovely and much more intelligent wife. to me, it is obviously the same "anonymous" person each time and i know a response (preferably angry i'm sure) is all this e-human is attempting at. I HAVE TAKEN THE BAIT! problem is, i'm not angry. in fact, i love you. i think you need a forum, just like me to express your thoughts towards that precious blog "banana sandwiches". my appreciation for the people in my life grows 10 fold each time you send a new one and i just don't want it to stop. maybe redirect some of the energy in a much more positive direction. you have obviously invested quite a bit of time into what is going on our lives, and before you peg me in the face with the "you're throwin' it out there shovin' it down my throat" retort, remember these simple words that the majority of existence already understands...not reading a blog/post/update is just as simple a choice as reading one. but since that time is invested, probably more is just beneath the surface...oh oh oh ...like the garbage smashers on the detention level. but i bet you have more than one eye.

*quick side note #2. were they still really on the detention level? after blasting a hole in the vent, they slid down and it wasn't a quick slid at that. this would indicate to me that they have dropped down from the detention level and r2 could have possibly shut-down the wrong smasher. game over*

needless to say, grace is an incredibly beautiful and difficult thing to understand and exhibit. but i'm sure, what ever my wife, liam or myself have done to you is most worthy of the forgiveness that we are shown daily for our transgressions. i mean...liam...really? the dude thinks every airplane in the air is headed to one destination and hysterically cracks-up when i say the word "river".

At least drop the anonymous bit and be proud of who you are. i'm sure there is a lot more to you than this. look, i'm inviting a dialogue here if you'd like it. i truly am.